Thank Matt the next time you see him. This recipe has 3 of the best things ever in it:
beer, coffee, & bacon.

Fixins

• 1 pound red meat (beef or otherwise, ground or chopped)
• 3 strips of Writes bacon
• 2 medium onions chopped fine
• 3 large garlic cloves
• large can (28oz) crushed tomatoes
• large can (28oz) beans
  • (it turns out I picked up “pinto beans in chili sauce”, Bush’s I think)
  • (if you had the time I would just make a pot of red beans ahead of time, seasoned to your liking with chili in mind)
• 1 cup VERY STRONG FUCKING COFFEE
  • I doubt it could be too strong, honestly ( I brewed mine in a french press)
• 1/3-1/2 Guinness Extra Stout (drink the rest, of course)
• 2 tablespoons chili powder (I’d love to try making chili sauce out of dried chilies, but that’s for another day)
• 1 teaspoon curry powder
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1 teaspoon onion powder (maybe more? I don’t know)
• 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper (more or less depending on how much heat you need)
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• pinch celery seed

Instructions

• brown meat on medium heat
• remove from pan, strain off any grease (only if using ground beef, probably)
• throw in bacon, cook until meat is edible and some fat has been rendered out, about until the sucs begins to have a nice brown color - do not burn your sucs!
• remove bacon (your bacon will probably still be rubbery; when you have the time, cut the meat away from the fat and chop finely - discard fat)
• add chopped onions to pan (the moisture from the onions should begin to deglaze the pan and keep the beautiful sucs from burning - scrape at the pan while the onions are cooking to pull up all that good stuff)
• add meat and chopped bacon
• add chopped garlic
• add spices
• once the garlic has had a chance to cook (don’t allow the garlic to brown, it gets acrid) add the coffee and beer
• add tomatoes and beans
• simmer for as long as you want or can wait. it will probably improve a bit after a long simmer. might reduce too, for a thicker sauce. Maybe salt? probably not though.

Matt’s additional annotation:

Dried spices have varying potency depending on their age and source. SO! If I were making that recipe for the first time, I’d start with slightly less of those spices and adjust to taste to avoid overpowering the dish.

That should be it.

Bonus: Frito chili pie

Don’t forget the

• Fritos
• Sour cream
• Shredded cheese